Production of this program was supported by a grant from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention through the Idaho Resilience Project.

Additional funding has been provided by the Friends of Idaho Public Television Endowment.

Coming up on Raising Resilient Kids: Mental Health Matters, learn how to talk with children about mental health.

It is not only OK to ask about suicide, but really protective.

Tips for parents on self-care.

I have to recharge myself, give myself energy because kids take energy.

I have to reduce my own stress a little bit so I can respond to their stress.

How to help young people regulate their emotions.

The truth is, it's a reciprocal relationship as you model the child benefits from it, and so do you.

And how to promote hope and resilience overall.

When you have a youth that is going through some type of challenge, ask them, "How would you like me to support you through this?"

Hello and welcome to Raising Resilient Kids: Mental Health Matters.

I'm Nicole Sanchez.

Now more than ever, mental health absolutely matters.

It's critical.

We know it can be a tough subject to talk about sometimes, especially with children.

We want to make those important conversations easier.

We are grateful to have an esteemed panel with us of mental health experts in studio to help us learn more about how to talk with children about mental health.

First, we have Dr. Dennis Woody, a pediatric neuropsychologist with Optum, Idaho.

We have Dr. Norine Womack is a school based pediatrician through the Saint Luke's School based clinics.

Keith Orchard is the mental health coordinator with the Quarter Lane School District.

We have Amber Leyba-Castle, the young and well coordinator with NAMI, Idaho, And finally, Dr. Gretchen Gudmundsen is a clinical psychologist with Saint Luke's Children's Center for Neurobehavioral Medicine.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to be here.

And most importantly, thank you for the critical work you do with young people and advocating for them.

Before we begin our discussion, I would like to first share a video with everyone.

I recently traveled to several different parts of Idaho and interviewed people who work with children.

I asked them to talk about what they are seeing in their community when it comes to the mental health of young people.

Here's what they had to say.

In the last year, I've seen an increase in depression and anxiety and an increase in suicidality.

Across the board for youth.

Here in Napa, we saw a.

Cluster of youth suicides in the fall and.

Then recently experienced a suicide just this spring.

Here in Rigby, in our community, we've seen a big increase in the need for mental health counselors.

Here we we have agreements with mental health counselors and getting our children that we see into mental health counselors.

There's a wait there's a long wait.

I feel like our mental health state in Idaho is broken.

A lot of our juveniles suffer, and we have seen a huge uptick in school fights.

Kids aren't coping well with one another and they're not communicating as well.

And so they turn to violence to resolve their issues.

This is my 22nd year in education in Coeur D'Alene, and it's probably been my toughest year.

And our staff tough this year.

And the reason is the students just don't have their capacity and the resiliency built up from these pandemic years.

And students really need structure and consistency in their lives, and they really haven't had that for the past couple of years.

And then this year, having all of that structure come back has been really diffic Dr. Gudmundsen, let's start with you.

What are you seeing with the young people you help?

I would say that nationally we have been under-resourced for mental health across the continuum of care.

And then in Idaho, I would say that we're even in a worse spot.

And then with the pandemic, it's just really led to folks who are already struggling, youth who are already struggling, struggling even more.

And then again putting extra struggles with youth who may not have experienced that.

And then you add on all the helpers and providers and teachers and therapists and parents, they all went through the pandemic, too.

So we just really do have a huge gap in the needs of the the mental health needs of our youth.

And that's something we heard talking with people.

A lot of the helpers themselves are burned out and are having a hard time getting help, which is a real or real issue.

Amber, you're our young person.

On the panel.

Thank you again for being with us.

And please share with folks what NAMI is.

NAMI, Idaho, and you're the Young and Well Coordinator.

Yeah.

So NAMI, Idaho is National Alliance on Mental Illnesses, and we serve the state through our six different affiliates.

And as the Young and Well Coordinator, I set up support groups around the state for ages 12 to 17 and then 18 to 25 on the collegiate level.

And I created a program called The Rosebuds that supports that 12 to 17 age.

And it's such a critical time and so great to have that peer support.

What are you seeing with as yourself a young person and talking with friends and other people that you support?

Definitely an increase in isolation, anxiety, depression, suicidality as mentioned in the video.

And then definitely that burnout from the helpers that are trying to support the youth.

And oftentimes that makes the you feel like they're a burden and that they don't have the resources available to them to receive the help that they need.

Keith, we visit you in the Coeur D'Alene School District.

I know you're the Mental Health Coordinator now for the whole district, and you also collaborate and consult with school districts across the country.

And in general, what are you seeing?

Well, I think what Nick said in the video is pretty clear, that it's been a hard year for schools and teachers.

And I think part of me always wonders of whether all of this information is is it new?

Is it is mental health issues really growing or are we just noticing it more and measuring it more?

But we know that that kids their stress response system is activated when there's a threat or when there's danger, but also when the world when something's unpredictable and the world is very unpredictable.

And so for that reason, I think my personal experience and everywhere I go, people are saying, "yeah, the mental health issues that we are facing that that kids are presenting with have increased over these past few years."

And the pandemic COVID took a toll on adults, too.

And so when you have adults who have struggled and all that starting and stopping that isolation, it's it's been tough.

That's true because the kids, as they struggle through all the unpredictability, they rely on other people to support them.

And then the adults have also been stressed and dealing with their own unpredictability.

So, yeah, it builds on itself.

Now that we've talked about where things are at, let's talk about how we can better support children and families who may be going through some tough times.

Dr. Woody what is your best advice to parents and caregivers on how to talk about mental health?

Well, you know, I think Keith hit it on the nail when he said predictability.

Children and depending upon the age of the child, children really do benefit from being able to predict.

And I think we as parents, when we talk with them, for example, about what's going to happen today or maybe tomorrow, we lend them something in terms of a grounding effect so that they can in their own way, depending upon how old they are, they can make their cognitive expectations fit reality.

But when when that predictability is difficult to provide for children, at least in the outer world, it makes it real tough.

Talking to children about mental health issues, I think it's imperative that you you show them that while we don't have 100% control of everything that happens around us, we can manage some of it.

And then demonstrating that capacity to manage becomes a modeling that parents have always done for for children.

And I think that stability alone really does bring children through some very difficult times.

But again, as you heard in the video and what Keith's comment was, when we as parents are so very uncertain and worried, it makes it very difficult.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dr. Womack, you have this unique experience because your school based pediatrician.

What are you seeing?

Well, I'm seeing you know, I echo what everyone has said before.

And firstly, I think we do still have a ways to go to normalize mental health.

So what I tell my families in my practice is that, you know, we need to teach our children that we have bodies, we have minds and we have feelings.

And these are all interconnected and not one is more important than another.

So if it's OK to go seek help, if you sprain your ankle or if you have a bad cough, then certainly it should be OK to seek help from from a professional.

If your child is having strong negative feelings that aren't going away with the usual methods, that that is something that we should do.

And one way that we can teach our generation to normalize this is to talk about it early and often.

I mean, we start having feelings as soon as nine to 12 months of age, and as soon as you're old enough to have those, it is early enough to start talking to them about it.

And so even getting some of those online charts to look at emotions and talking to your infant and toddler about that, it sounds silly, but it's that's when you need to start so that starting early and then doing it often, you know, talking to children regularly for your family, that might be just at the end of every day taking 5 minutes to sit at the edge of their bed and be quiet and listen to them and maybe they won't talk that first day or first week, but maybe later on.

And so that's I think, how we normalize this and, you know, promote that mental health with our kids.

And as a pediatrician, I would imagine when whether it's young people or adults are not taking care of their mental health, it can turn physical, right?

That's high blood pressure, all of those type of things.

Right.

So normalizing it.

And as a parent myself, I know it can be hard to have those conversations.

And a lot of times, you know, young people want to just say my day was fine.

We have to kind of learn how to slowly dig a little more.

Right?

We've got another video we put together and it's on this very topic, how to talk about mental health with young people.

We visited Keith Orchard and others with the Coeur D'Alene School District.

Let's take a look.

When you're talking about mental health with kids, it really is important to name the emotions and to figure out exactly how they feel.

I think it's really important just to normalize the conversation.

So make it a part of your daily conversations.

Ask some more probing questions with them and really acknowledging it's OK at times to not be OK. And then what do you do when you're not OK?

Possible suicidal concerns or risks would be things like, "I don't want to live anymore."

Or something more veiled like, "What if I didn't wake up tomorrow?

What would the world be like?"

If you're hearing things like that from a kid, it is important that you go get some help for your child.

Some people think if they ask the suicide question directly, they're planting a seed in someone's mind.

And the research is very clear that that's not true, that asking the question reduces risk of suicide.

Parenting is the hardest job that we do in life.

If you need help, and sometimes it's just reaching out to the school and calling that trusted adult that you have at the school whether that's the counselor or the administrator, just working as a team to ask those questions.

Because it is such an important topic, let's take a moment to talk more in depth about suicide prevention.

Dr. Gudmundsen, do you agree with those thoughts that even though it can be scary, especially as a parent, to bring up suicide and ask a child if you have extreme concerns that those conversations are healthy, and what advice do you have for parents to feel empowered?

Because it's a scary conversation.

Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

If I'm ever have an opportunity to talk to parents or families, the one message I try to impart is that it is not only OK to ask about suicide, but really protective.

So we've it's even been studied that, you know, it won't plant a seed that's not there.

It won't cause it.

And if anything, it'll really protect it and show your child that that's an OK thing to talk about.

So whether, you know, in an age appropriate manner, it's important that if you see warning signs or have concerns or just have a gut feeling something's off, it is important to ask and it's also important to use, provided your child understands the word suicide, to use that word, because using euphemisms or tiptoeing around it can create an opportunity to to not say yes to, you know, and still be truthful.

So I would really encourage people to figure out the wording that your child will understand, practice it.

Practice it with your spouse, with your coworker or with an older kid.

So it can just feel really natural and normal.

And like Doctor Womack was saying earlier, to sort of as early and often as you can talk about emotional health and emotional concerns, it's really, really protective.

I guess my other piece of advice would be that if you if you if that really felt like a barrier for some reason or another or you're having so much potentially conflict with your child, find someone who can have that conversation.

So maybe it's their aunt or uncle or another trusted adult.

But so if you don't feel like you can do that, really do find someone who can.

Yeah.

And I think overall, we want that message to be out there.

Get help if you need it.

There's no shame in getting help.

That's we've got professionals in our community.

That's their job.

They can help equip you because that really could save a life.

Amber, please share your thoughts as our young person on the panel.

Anything you're hearing when you talk to other young people about what they wish adults would talk with them about on this subject?

Absolutely.

So oftentimes as adults, we ask questions and then we just want to get our questions answered and we move on.

And really having that compassionate understanding of where the youth is coming from is so important to really make that connection and open up that conversation for future conversations when they feel like there's something big going on in their life, that they need to talk to someone about.

Oftentimes they go to their peers first rather than their parents and normalizing that as a resource.

Youth especially, are very resourceful, and we can really highlight strengths in tough times.

Keith, we've talked a lot because we've done interviews together, several interviews together.

Talk about your best tips for parents to approach this conversation even more in depth.

Because you said a lot off camera.

We couldn't get into the one minute video that I want you to get a chance to talk about and also the signs and symptoms to watch for.

Again, I think that's something that's really important to hit.

OK, great.

Well, what they said is all right on the first thing I think is we're very direct when we have the question and I think it's it's more than then that they can answer the question directly, but also it gives them it just demonstrates to them that you're not afraid of the answer.

And when we tiptoe around the subject and say, are you thinking of hurting yourself rather than being direct and saying, "Are you thinking about suicide?

Are you thinking about killing yourself?"

is very direct.

And I let them know I can handle the truth.

So that's one.

But before we get there, I guess we have to know what we're looking for.

And so there are verbal statements.

I think the people on the panel can express those really well.

But when they they hint or they say things like, oh, you'd be better off without me, or it doesn't matter anyway, or our little hints and then their behavioral hints, things that they have a change in behavior.

They're either sleeping a whole lot or not sleeping at all.

Or they start doing things that are out of character or just a little bit different than they normally would.

And then there's situational factors that we know will stress anybody out.

Any kind of loss or a major change in life would be stressful for anyone.

And that's what they're going through, a lot of stress.

And that added with a few other things would be would be signs we'd want to look for.

Yeah.

Such important stuff.

We will be sharing some important resources at the end of our program if anyone needs help or support.

But because this is so important, let's go ahead right now and share one of the helplines.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is one 800 273 talk.

That's one 800 273-8255.

Please reach out if you need help.

Another topic that is very important is how to help kids when they're really upset or they have a lot of anxiety.

Life's just too much for them in that moment to deal with and they need some help.

How do we help them better regulate?

We put together a video on this topic, working with a couple of counselors and mental health experts who have some great tips and ideas that I really think we can all learn from.

I learned a few things myself as an adult.

Let's take a look.

A lot of times when we're experiencing high levels of depression, anger, anxiety, it's because we are working up the story in our mind.

Right?

And it's getting bigger and bigger.

It's a sign for us that we're not in our zone, right?

And that we need a set of skills to be able to bring us into that place.

Kids are dependent upon adults around them to regulate.

Teaching them how to soothe themselves, how to relax.

And one thing is really using the senses.

So let's look around.

Tell me five squares you see in the room.

So really using those senses helps them kind of step out of whatever is going on in their head and really does calm them down and brings their emotional regulation back to where it needs to be.

When the child is really disregulated that is a crisis.

That's not a time to teach something, and we need more help.

But teaching these skills really early on, even when they're little, is really a great way to build in resilience.

Anyone want to give some more ideas?

I think this is such useful information.

And again, I don't think this is just for children.

Related to that.

I think one of the most powerful things that you hear a lot as a parent but is true is the importance of modeling.

So I think whether you have an infant or a teenager or a 30 year old child that you're worried about, you want to again normalize and model your own emotions and your own coping.

Because sometimes parents seem like this mysterious, perfect black box of regulation and just say whether it's, "Oh, this traffic is frustrating me, I'm going to take a deep breath" or maybe talking through some friendship struggles you have or just showing them that that you too have to sometimes take a break, think about the situation, figure out what you're feeling and how that's coming off and how you're going to manage it.

And then you might try and it might work or it might not.

But narrating that, talking through that, and showing them that you're human too and have some of the same struggles can be really powerful.

And one of the things one of the counselors talked about for a baby, they're nervous system is is learning from our nervous systems.

It really starts, well in utero, really.

But you know, that in that modeling and I also love that they said, you know, even if the research shows, even if you're doing it right, 50% of the time you don't have to be perfect all the time.

But again, avoiding those really extreme levels of trauma but trying to model that and also sometimes I think as a parent, we want to just protect our kids from everything.

And I think what the pandemic taught us was, you can't protect them from everything and like you said, to model for them.

Yeah, we all get a little stressed out in traffic.

And instead of just getting upset, if they could just learn and watch and that's hard to remember and do.

Right.

Dr. Woody.

The truth is it's a reciprocal relationship as you model the child benefits from it, and so do you.

I mean, ultimately, you as a parent have a need to sense that you've made a difference.

And I think that sort of interaction one with the other really repeated over time, not only builds behavioral abilities, but emotional stability.

And I would echo what Dr. Woody and Dr. Gudmundsen said.

You know, it's easy to get hopeless because you know, we are in this nation and in this state and in a state of mental health crisis, especially in children.

And it's it's easy to get caught up in that.

But the hope here, what makes me hopeful is that, you know, it starts in the home, it starts with the family.

And it's it's such simple things like the modeling you know.

The way I put it to parents is, "You have to go first."

Another way to say that is, "Sorry, mommy, I can't hear you because your actions are speaking too loudly."

So, you know, instead of be that emotional black box, you go home.

If you've had a rough day, you know what we do, what, what I've done is, you know, you yell at your husband you yell at your kids, but then you can even if you've already done that, you can still take that step back and go, "I'm sorry, I did that.

Had a rough day.

I don't want to get into details, but, you know, this is where I am right now emotionally.

And you know, you if you could come on a walk with me, I think that's what I need right now.

It's a nice day outside.

Can you walk 15 minutes with me?

You don't even have to say anything because I want to try to get from here to maybe about here and then check in with me at the end of this walk and see if I'm if I'm there yet."

And if you do that a lot, if you do it fairly regularly, then your kids will start doing that same thing.

And it's it's amazing to see, but it does take some thought because we just want to go home and, and yell.

And when a kid has truly we say the term "flipped their lid", they can't hear a lot right.

In that moment, yelling at a child does absolutely nothing.

It's not productive because they can't process just like an adult.

When you're in such a state of shock or trauma, you flipped your lid, you're not everything's different.

The timing's different.

You're not able to process a lot.

Keith.

Well, I think what Dr. Womack said is right on.

But everyone uses different language, right?

Because I kind to go from here to here and maybe you and your family understand what that means.

In the school district.

We've made it in Coeur D'Alene and many other schools across the country they come up with universal language.

So everyone says the same things to kids.

And that is really helpful.

And so, of course, we use zones of regulation or we use the flip you just said flip your lid.

So we use the flip your lid model.

And what that means is we make a little brain.

You all know.

That's right.

You make a little brain.

Here's your spinal cord, right?

And your limbic system or your emotional brain is here and your thinking brain is all right there.

And when you're calm and ready, you're thinking and planning and problem solving and have good language.

But when you get a little bit stressed, your amygdala or your emotional brain starts to get activated.

And then and then where we get a little bit stressed and then when we get really stressed or overwhelmed or frightened and incredibly stressed out, we have flipped our lid.

And now we don't have access to any of this important stuff like thinking and language and problem solving.

Instead, we're 100% in our emotional brain and.

Think the lion is coming at you and it's going to attack you.

That's right.

And what Dan Siegel calls, as we call it, flip your lid.

And he says, "you have lost your mind."

Which is just great language for what this looks like when you see someone do it and when it feels like.

And so what we have is the first thing is we teach this to the students so that they first and then we ask them.

So the first step is they can be self aware, like, how do I feel?

Oh, that's a very first step, self awareness.

Then we give them language a way to communicate that with adults going, I'm here.

Oh, if you tell me that when you walk in the room and you tell me I'm here, that helps me.

I can understand.

And you've already told me either through your words or through your actions, you've communicated your state, and now I can probably meet your need a little bit better.

When they're not in a place to learn, right?

If a kid comes in and truly says, "I'm here, there's been some trauma at home, something's happened," how can we expect them to sit still?

Don't, you know, touch anybody?

Listen, the brain can't.

They need a moment.

Well, that's the way we talk about teacher.

So, Doctor Woody walks into the classroom and he throws his books down and puts his head down, and I'm going to walk up mad.

I go, "What do you do?

That's not how we enter the classroom.

And what and you're going to be lazy again today?"

And then I got a whole story about what's going on with him.

And he walks and he looks at me and he goes and then drops his bag and puts his head down.

I go, OK, he's having a bad day.

All right, we still have to fix it.

We don't let it go, but it changes everything about how I'm going to go respond to him because he communicated with me.

Yeah.

Will you take a few moments and talk about, the Coeur D'Alene School District has done such a great job on the sensory walks, the sensory room, what you're doing.

This is something that other school districts have some have done, but not a lot.

And it really is impressive in person to see this and see the kids check in and say what zone they're in.

I mean, it's the really beautiful thing and that interaction and that they can bounce in a ball, talk about some of the sensory walks, the sensory rooms and how that is so beneficial.

Great.

Yeah.

So well, of course, the first thing is they have to recognize it and then they have to communicate it.

But we don't want to get stuck.

They're like, "Oh, I'm stressed."

And that's all we do is talk about stress all day long because that's not helpful.

Then we have to talk about what do you do when you're here and what can you do when you're here?

And there's a lot of different things we can do.

And of course, some of them are physical, some of them are emotional or maybe relational and talking to people.

Right.

But about movement, distraction, first of all, works, but movements, exercise, sensory, some sensory materials sometimes really help kids.

And our whole point is we we teach them and we give them the tools so they can put their own lid back on, maybe with help or maybe by themselves.

And then we can have a conversation to fix whatever it is we need to fix and get them back in the classroom so they can learn.

One of the things I really liked in the video, because it's something you can do, you can have your child do anywhere.

But I think the key is they have to practice it first.

We have to do this with them.

Is the left squeeze, the right squeeze of the hands because it's it's.

Doctor Woody, would you talk about that?

I'm certainly not the doctor here, but it's calming the brain and working left, right and left.

Will you talk about the science behind that a little more, Dr. Woody.

Well, I think when you when you engage in an activity like that, what you're doing, first of all, is you're helping a child move away from the emotional arousal.

That, that's the beginning of putting your lid back on.

And I think rehearsing left to right and alternating also exercises your frontal lobes, those frontal lobes are responsible for not only higher order, problem solving and thinking, but changing your behavior and engaging both sides of your brain.

And that capacity enables you then to fall on the reserve if you've got lots of practice in that sort of thing.

So I do think physical activity.

This self awareness is so important.

How many times have you done something when you were caught off guard and you impulsively did it?

Well, our kids are no no different.

They do the same thing.

And I think when self awareness, when you can say, I flipped my lid, I've got to do something to fix that.

That's the first step in the direction of self care.

And we're going to be talking some more about that.

But self-care is what sustains you when everything is kind of going crazy.

Yeah, let's go ahead and move on to self care.

I'll admit as a parent myself, sometimes it's easy to neglect my own health right?

My kids get their medicine and vitamins every day.

Sometimes I forget, and that's just a small part.

But you know, self-care is important.

Dr. Gudmundsen, what advice can you give to parents and caregivers?

You know, a lot of times we also have grandparents helping to take care and raise the children to to do self care.

And I think the biggest message is it's not selfish, right?

It's it's critical.

100%.

I think you often hear about the concept of the the oxygen mask on in that airplane.

And how you should put your mask on first before you give it to an infant or a child.

And it's it's really important.

And I think it too often and I, I am guilty of this and I see this all the time with the families we work with it.

It's hard to prioritize and it can feel either personally or or kind of the way we kind of have a tendency to criticize or judge other parenting decisions and things like that.

You feel vulnerable if you prioritize yourself or it can feel selfish and it's absolutely not.

So in addition to I mean, another instance of modeling.

When you model self care, your child sees that.

It also settles you down to be more present and aware of what's going on with your child to support them with all these strategies we're talking about.

And the cardinal rule with parenting is that as soon as you figure it out, it changes.

So you also just want to be as present and focused and calm as you can be to then recognize if things are changing, if strategies that used to work need to be updated.

And so that really thoughtful, nuanced just observation and presence, you need to be ready for that and take the time.

Whether it's just having little meetings in your schedule, treat it like a work meeting, treat it like a doctor's visit with yourself, or else it can really quickly get thrown off the schedule and then everyone will pay for it, including your kids.

Amber as a young person, self care is important for you to.

Do you have anything you want to share, tips or advice that you personally do for self-care or other people you work with?

Absolutely.

It kind of actually ties into what Keith was talking about a little earlier and having that universal language.

So when we're talking about, you know, almost flipping our lid, we can check in with ourselves and really recognize that we need to amp up our self-care and then we can check in with our peers on maybe what are they doing for their self-care?

And if we can tag along with them on a hike, or maybe we want to go to the animal shelter and volunteer with the dogs or something.

And then also related to self-care, having that conversation of normalizing the biology that's happening when we're flipping the lid to really start that conversation of normalizing just biological responses and letting youth and adults know it's OK to act in these ways.

And that increasing our self-care is a way to reduce flipping the lid in the first place.

So Especially since the pandemic.

Right.

And Keith, not to put you on the spot too much, but self-care for teachers?

Man in this first year, going back full time as your one of your principals was saying, you know, it's been one of the roughest years ever.

How do you guys promote in the district self care or what advice do you have for teachers just not in your district, but everywhere?

Because it was it was some school still going back a hard year.

Yeah.

Yes.

For teachers and for parents alike when they're stressed.

We talk about self-care a lot because you can't pour from an empty cup.

And we ask them to pour into these kids lives day in and day out.

And if they do not recharge and take care of themselves, they can't do that.

We do say, though, when I do the trainings I try and do it beyond what we call it, beyond bathtubs and bonbons.

Right.

Which is just not self-care and relaxation, because relaxation is good.. What's wrong with the bath balms?

Well no, they're good, they're good.

They're all good.

Because if it gives me energy and lowers my stress and then my kid flips their lid, the worst kind of conversation is when we have two people like this.

So I have to recharge myself, give myself energy because kids take energy.

I have to reduce my own stress a little bit so I can respond to their stress.

But more importantly, what we're trying to do is talk to teachers about what's underneath that stress.

And then what we say is you have to do your own work.

And so if you really want to get serious about it, then you have to go, "Why do I get so stressed when a student has that behavior?"

And that is your own work and your own story about why I need to be in control, or why if things are not perfect, I feel insecure about what I'm doing.

And so and that is hard.

That is really hard.

But we have some classes that we run for teachers in Coeur D'Alene.

And throughout Idaho there's other classes that are done that are designed to do just that, help teachers unpack their own histories.

So they go, "Oh, this is why that behavior makes me so worried.

Or anxious."

I have for example, we have one of my work partners she tells a story.

She's in the seventh grade.

She's going into her typing class, and she didn't like typing class because she wasn't any good at it.

And she sat there with her friend and sat down.

She goes, "Oh, I hate this class."

And the teacher starts class and says, "OK, everyone here.

So we're going to do today everyone except Lori."

It's not her name, but "everyone except Lori who hates this class so she can leave."

Oh.

And she her jaw dropped and she got super red and then she got mad and said something rude to the teacher, which made it worse.

And then she got kicked out.

She came back and she said she mistreated him or he mistreated her like the rest of year was always on her case.

And she goes, I wasn't even being rude to him.

What.

I was insecure myself about my own performance.

He read it as an insult for him.

So why is that?

I mean, what was about him that took her comment and took it personally and then was unable to help her through her own insecurity?

And that's what we we want to get to the root of things.

But that's that's the hard work.

Yeah.

And talking about self care coming, you know, this far through the pandemic Dr. Womack, for all of the emergency workers, the doctors, you know, what type of tips or advice do you have for them with self care?

Because it was at times excruciating I'm sure.

Right.

Well, everybody has said most things.

The only thing I would add is it's important to schedule self care.

Because you know, we schedule piano lessons.

You know, school has a schedule, our work has a schedule, heaven knows, everything has a schedule, but something like that.

And Dr. Gudmundsen was touching on that, you know, just it's fallen by the wayside.

"Oop, didn't have time this week or this month."

And so you just have to put if you have a schedule on your computer, you just have to stick it in there.

And if you feel like you need a half hour, hour or 2 hours a weekend, you just you just take it.

And what are some examples of what good self care can look like?

Is it taking you know, an exercise class?

Is it taking walks?

Anyone want to comment about, Doctor Woody some ideas for giving us good examples?

I think it's a combination.

If you use more of a mosaic of different activities, you're less likely to be bored when you do them.

And from a physical standpoint, getting out and doing something physical is good for you.

It's good for your brain, it improves your breathing.

There are times when you simply need to focus on your breathing.

And I and I think simple things that you can do in 30 seconds.

Let your iWatch remind you that you should breathe.

These issues don't have to be giant chunks out of your schedule, but that self awareness to do them.

To get up and walk occasionally is so critical that it sustains you over time.

And I think one of the things that was so hard during the pandemic was the isolation and I know for myself, I missed my support groups.

I missed church in person.

I missed, you know, community.

And hopefully we're able to get back to that because that can be part of the self-care.

Especially to just be with other parents taking a break from the kids and getting to just talk with others and uplift each other.

Because we've all been through a lot.

And we're fortunate here in Idaho to have beautiful scenery to hike and bike and camp and pretty good weather to do all of that.

We put together a video with some more ideas about self care.

Let's take a look at this one.

I think the first thing is to remember that self care is really self preservation.

Parents need to take time for themselves and do those things that will help them so that they can be a parent next day and next week and the next month and next year.

Try and find out what brings you happiness what brings you joy.

Maybe it's as simple as taking 5 minutes and reading a fun book with your child.

Maybe telling their kids, "I need 10 minutes you don't bug me.

Don't bug mom and dad."

If you're finding a challenge with your own mental health and it's happening again and again and again, then it is time to seek professional help.

There's also community resources, faith based resources, and sometimes it's a good friend or family member who can listen to you.

It's OK to ask for help even if you're a counselor, because when you have knowledge that you don't have it all together, that's when you are open to receive the help that you need.

Now, let's talk about one of my favorite topics resilience.

That ability to move forward after trauma, to not give up to push through even when life gets tough.

We know we can't protect our children from everything, nor should we, because they have to learn how to deal with difficulties.

So how can we come alongside them and help them through adversity?

Keith, how do you recommend for parents and teachers to to promote hope and resilience as much as possible, even when sometimes we don't feel very resilient ourselves?

Well, when we talk about teaching resilience to kids, the first thing and I say it jokingly, but also real I go, "Do you realize as a parent or as a teacher, your job is to stress our children?"

And they laugh, they go, "It's true," that without stress you cannot grow, you cannot gain strength.

So you have to stress a muscle to make it stronger.

And here's my neurons.

You have to stress a mind to make it grow.

And so teachers job is to actually provide stressful situations for students.

And then the question is we got to provide it the right amount.

Too much stress is overwhelming and kids shut down, so that's no good.

So we got to put it right outside their window of tolerance and so that's what we shoot for, to push them, to make them, to make them feel uncomfortable so that they can grow.

So that's step one.

Put them in situations that are difficult and challenging because that's good.

And in step two, we say, and then you have to believe that that's good and healthy.

And there was a coach that I had, I remember it was during a game and everything was going bad and the crowd's going crazy and it was super stressful and the team's going really poorly and he holds the huddle and he goes, "This is so good for us.

This is so good for us!"

What a mind shift a perspective to have.

It completely reframed the situation from, "This is terrible!"

to "This is, this is so healthy for us to learn, to teach us and to have us grow."

And we go, "OK." It's a total shift, right?

And so we have to believe that because we don't want to protect our kids from from pain that they cannot learn if they don't have pain.

So we want to guide them and support them when they're having trouble.

So that's number two.

And then once they're in it, then we need to teach them the skills.

And I think we've kind of talked about that once they have stress in their lives and they're not handling it very well, that's when we start to intervene and teach them the various ways that they can learn how to manage their stress just a little bit better.

Yeah.

And if it gets to be too much to remind everybody, there are times to seek professional help, that's there's no shame in asking for help.

That's right.

Amber, how about you?

What what thoughts do you have on promoting hope and resilience in young people?

And thank you for the work you're doing to help support that.

Learn from the youth first.

Absolutely.

When you have a youth that is going through some type of challenge, ask them, how would you like me to support you through this?

See what they have already in their tool belt and maybe you, as you're walking alongside them, can support that effort.

You know, maybe it is increasing their own self-care and going out and, you know, going to the animal shelter or whatever.

their, their strength in the toolbox might be.

And then also just being mindful of .

.

.

that kids are really resourceful and resilient.

And again, highlighting their strengths on what they're doing well already.

And young people are dealing with things that a lot of us didn't deal with when we grew up with social media with bullying.

I think there's been a huge uptick in that and the anxieties that come from that, teachers, administrators trying to help as much as they can.

But as parents, Doctor Woody any thoughts on, you know, to promote resilience and hope.

You know, we don't want to protect them from everything.

But we also, I think parents need to remember the social media and the phones that's starting really young.

The problematic issues of social media where there is often no accountability for the input that's put in it and the dependency is, I think, something that needs boundaries.

And we as parents can set that up for them in terms of duration or where they visit online, the type of information they're processing.

It's it's tantamount to the notion that while it's hard to say it, when when you look around anywhere in the airport where people are having downtime, they're in their phone.

And so our children are modeling our behavior.

I think the the notion that we're so dependent upon immediacy and confirmation of who we are through these devices has become problematic.

And there is more and more research being turned over that suggests that like most things, there there needs to be some parameters around it and the content within it needs to be carefully supported for for its health impact.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Doctor Womack, any thoughts on promoting health and resilience during these tough times and also in the new tech world?

Yeah.

So what I what I tell parents all the time and you know, I have to remind myself of this as well as a parent, you know, we're not trying to make every child happy.

We're trying to raise responsible adults.

So, you know, keeping the eye on the ball.

And that's that goes to Keith's point of, you know, not protecting them from everything.

There is such a thing as positive stress.

And as parents, that's one of the very difficult things we need to do is, you know, walk that line.

And as teachers as well.

I can say a lot about social media, but all I'll say is I like the principle of early and often.

You, it's so much easier to start early with children when, you know, studies show that under about 30 months of age you don't get a whole lot of benefit from screen time other than, you know, maybe the face time with grandma occasionally.

And then above that age you're looking at maybe one or 2 hours a day.

And I chuckle a little in my mind when I say that because I have teenage boys.

And that's a, they're doing more than that.

But again, it's a balance.

It's it's not just screen time in general.

It's the content.

It's where they are.

Are they up in their room or are they watching a movie with me that we can have a dialog about what's going on, you know, in terms of content.

So it's not all created equal.

And some of the mental health experts I talked with had a reminder that, remember, parents, it is your responsibility.

Be checking in to have their passwords, to take a look at the phone every now and then and get help if you need it.

And schools can collaborate really well on this.

This is something schools are trying to help with, right, Keith?

They struggle with that.

There are school set rules about phone use in the school and it in my experience, it's a constant battle of, "What's OK, what's not OK?

How do we how do we monitor that and supervise that in a school setting?"

That's a real challenge.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dr. Gudmundsen, do you think this is attributing to higher levels of anxiety and depression?

Like, back in the day, you would leave school and you would leave all that stress behind you, but you're taking it home with you.

Yeah.

I mean, and it's we've now had had these devices around long enough to that bears out and the evidence there's increased rates of depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation associated with screen time and that's a real generalization.

So I think every everything that's been said are really good points.

And I think you just need to .

.

.

one other strategy, instead of getting into some power struggles is to, common sense media and has a really nice framework for creating like a family media plan.

So instead of getting really tight on how many minutes and hours of screen time, that's one way to go.

But another way to go is just to think about again, in raising a responsible, capable child, what do you want?

So you might, especially in the summer months, when, you know, you lose all that structure of school and that that back up you just might think about, OK, we want an hour of outside time, an hour of exercise, your movement, an hour of connecting with other people.

Or maybe it's not every day, maybe over the course of a week.

So you think about what are all the things like that a healthy day has and then with what's left over, maybe then there's a certain amount of screen time.

So being really more thoughtful about what are the components of a healthy, balanced life with attention to screens and social media so that you can kind of fine tune that and set them up for when they launch, when they're in college or when they're young adults and really can can create their own rules.

You want them to have sort of had a diet that was really healthy in terms of all the different parts of their both their self-care and their social media, which then will promote resilience.

Amber, do you have any thoughts on promoting health and resilience in that balance too, with social media?

Yeah.

Thank you so much for bringing up that power struggle that often parents can get into with their youth when we're talking about social media.

Because, although it can be very frustrating and there are a lot of challenges with social media, it's also a support network for youth, and they're connecting with their friends and so for us as adults, just to tell them, "Don't go online anymore," that's actually removing them from a support network that they've built and their online personality.

And so instead absolutely focus on those boundaries and creating healthy relationships rather than getting in that power struggle and just saying, "Nope, cut it off," or "Don't go online."

That's a good point, Keith.

Just and thoughts.

Yeah, that's a really interesting thought, isn't it?

How they how that is their support system.

I really appreciate that.

Well, imagine all of us to be told cold turkey, "Stop your Facebook.

Stop your Instagram."

You might get a little bit of anxiety.

I will remove the app from my phone every now and then and it feels good and not check it as often.

And I think that's very freeing.

Keith, you had some thoughts, though.

Well, we started with the idea of resiliency and got into like screen time again.

I think to teach screen time is absolutely an important thing that that we struggle with as a society and it's stressful for kids.

Back to resiliency, though, one of the things we talk to parents about is, you know, when when your child or a teacher, when your child makes a mistake and if it's a big mistake, we do this analysis of the step by step by step, like, "How did you get there, what happened here and then what happened?

And then who said what and then what did you do?"

And then right.

And we we dissect it in order to find where did the problem lie and how can we change that.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

But what you can do to teach resilience is do the opposite for when they had a really good day and dissect what went really well.

And, "So you had a really great day.

Tell me about that.

Like you got up in the morning.

How did you get up in the morning?"

"What do you mean?

How did I get up?

My alarm went off" like, oh, no, but "Really, what got you out of bed?"

"I dont know, I mean, I had a test," I go, "OK, and so that was important to you?

OK, so having something important to you is good.

What else?"

"I decided to see my friends."

"OK, that's good.

And what made your day good?"

"Well, I was with my friends."

"Oh, when you have lots of friends and you're very social, you're happier."

"Yeah.

Yeah, that's true."

And then, "What about your test?

Well, you did well.

And how did you feel?"

You know, I go, "So when you study and are prepared and do well, that makes you feel well?

Oh, OK.

So these are all the things that you set yourself up to have a really good day."

And we dissect the good sometimes and they go, "Oh."

And then they notice how much good they already have going on.

And then they can feel proud.

Well, they can feel proud and then because we spent too much time probably dissecting the bad and every once in while it's good to dissect the good.

I have that in my toolbox as well.

When you're when you're having those conversations.

So then you can refer back to those good days and go home.

It sounds like you needed maybe some more social time.

That's right.

Yeah.

So great.

We've got another video.

This one is on the same topic.

How to promote hope and Resilience in young people.

One of the best ways to promote hope and resilience within your child is to remind them that they can do hard things Instead of shielding your kids and putting them in a bubble.

It's just holding their hand through whatever the struggle is.

And I think it's also not minimizing their struggles.

Just talk to them about their needs, about what they feel, how they see things, and just give you the opportunity to express themselves.

When we talk about resilience, I like to think about it like a rubber band, like we're stretched and we've been that the last few years.

And then we snap back.

But it's not like you have it or you don't have it.

We get to build it in our kids Really hear and listen for the root of what they're struggling with and be there beside them as they try to figure out what their next step is and really give them a lot of agency and independence as they figure out what that next step is.

Reminding kids and each other that things are going to get better and reassurance that they're going to get better, I think is really, really important.

And that was Keith with his son who just happened to be at this school when we were there filming.

One more topic we'd really like to touch on before we wrap it.

Wrap up is how to keep kids healthy and resilient during the summer months.

During the school year, a lot of kids and families enjoy that structure.

Being on a schedule and routine, it can be comforting, right.

It can be helpful, but it can be difficult during the summer months.

Doctor, Woody do you have some thoughts on how to promote hope and resilience during the summer and also during the school year?

Well, I do, and it sounds a little upside down when I say it or think it.

The notion of being free as a student when you didn't have to go to school and you're palling around with your friends and you're laying around on the back porch and asking one another, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know.

What do you want to do?"

Those those episodes of boredom and creativity, the engagement with other children or other teens to create something that they're interested in, I think is a very healthy thing.

So I'm kind of on the side of the notion that, yes, schedules are good for things you want to do swimming lessons or soccer practice or whatever, but so is downtime that isn't scheduled.

That enables you to communicate and maybe face to face.

So.

Doctor Womack, I know you work in the schools and so any tips, advice on for the summertimes to keep kids, you know, giving them some comfort because not every home is a safe during the summer.

Right.

And that that they miss being in school.

They miss the interaction with the teachers.

We know this.

Right?

Well, first I want to say that's an excellent point.

You know, I talk all the time about we need to bring back boredom and that's what social media and our phones have taken away from us.

We don't know how to be bored anymore.

And especially for kids somebody asked Einstein once how he came up with the theory of general relativity, and he said at the time he did that he was working a really boring job at a patent office.

And he said, "It's because I was really bored."

And so we need to have that more for our kids.

And my parents look at me like I'm crazy because I tell them I'd rather your kid, you know, hurt themselves falling out of a tree, then, you know, just always be, you know, on their phone inside.

You know, they always apologize for bruising or grass stains on their clothes.

I say, no, that means that they're not, you know, they're doing something outside.

So, you know, every almost any family can be outside in the warmer months and do things as a family, which is, you know, another thing that summer allows us to do.

So I just tell people to have fun, whatever that looks like for your family, be safe, especially around the water.

And then don't do too much summer sliding, you know, maybe read half an hour every day.

Could be something fun like comics or magazines.

It doesn't have to be, you know, Anna Karenina or anything like that.

Lighten it up.

It still counts.

We've got all the audio books to now, too.

That can be fun and road trips.

Doctor Gudmundsen, any thoughts, tips and advice about keeping kids healthy over summer months?

Yeah, I think I think it kind of goes back to also just it's OK to take care of your needs, too.

So sometimes I know it's hard to kind of fill the days and you still might have your you might not have a summer vacation anymore as as a parent or a caregiver.

So also fold that into the balance, too.

So have a little bit of some expectations some structure, but enough kind of space to have some boredom, to have some creative play with the neighbors.

And also, to if you can be planful about also joining them in activities.

I think so often we might kind of create these things for them to do but also join in.

And that gives another chance to kind of keep building that relationship, see them in settings that are a little less set or just school.

But you want to you need to find a balance that's sustainable for your whole family and your whole system.

And I think that's something that, you know, with with the COVID pandemic shifting a little bit, start to rebuild your villages, your connections with with other people.

Because I think historically that's how we've helped each other and that's that's kind of taken a step back, I think, in the last few years between the pandemic and screens and and all those things.

Yeah.

Especially for those of us who are people persons.

It's nice to be back in person.

Just a quick, quick few thoughts on Summer.

I've got about 30 seconds for you.

Anything on summer that you want to add to that?

I know you would probably encourage people to read.

You've told me before, too, not too much screen time, but again, don't take it all the way, right?

That on that balance balance, play a little laugh, a little sleep a little work, some study, some just have some balance in the summer and you're probably doing a good job.

That's great.

I can't thank you all enough.

Thank you so much for your time.

Here with us, your expertize and the great work that you are doing.

You know, this program could make a big difference for a lot of people.

Hopefully parents and caregivers, you feel more equipped and empowered to have these discussions that can sometimes be tough.

We know they are so critical.

And to those of you at home, thank you for joining us.

We hope you've been inspired and encouraged.

I know as a parent, I have myself.

I feel like a sponge every time I get to talk with all of you, I learn more.

We leave you now with a collection of interviews on what the word resilience means to people.

We hope it will also inspire you.

And we also have some help line information coming up in just a few moments.

Take care and be well.

Resilience is so complex.

But one of the most basic ways of describing it is a person's.

Ability to move from reaction to receptivity and then be able to reset and come back.

Resilience to me, you know, to persevere to to endure to to keep keep on doing what you're doing.

Resilience isn't we bounce back just like we were.

Resilience is we're able to do something difficult and we're able to reform to a degree.

But we'll never be entirely the same as who we were when it happened.

And that's not a bad thing.

It's just different.

Resilience to me is when us as a family, we come together and we're able to help each other with the resources and information that we have and being able to spread that to other people to help our community and just to stick together as a family.

If you or someone you know needs urgent help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 800 273 TALK.

That's 1 800 273-8255.

In Idaho, you can call the state helpline for a variety of needs.

Just call 211.

To learn more about how to promote hope and resilience, go to IdahoPTV.org forward slash resilience.

Production of this program was supported by a grant from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention through the Idaho Resilience Project.

Additional funding has been provided by the Friends of Idaho Public Television Endowment.